One of the hardest, yet extremely important, elements to mastering the craft of writing is conquering the art of showing rather than telling.
Telling is a plain, straightforward description. It does not engage the reader’s imagination nor does it involve their emotions.
In fiction it is imperative to involve your reader. They must care what happens next or they won’t waste their time finishing the story.
Showing involves the reader’s mind. You show body language, actions, and dialogue while involving the senses and lead the reader to make their own judgment based on the evidence you’ve presented.
Example one:
Original:
All the kids knew that Lucinda was the meanest kid in the third grade. She was prissy and cute; she wore bows in her hair and shiny black shoes, and she thought that meant she could get away with anything. She never exactly scared me―but for some reason she would always go out of her way to torment me. I wasn’t one of the “cool” kids, and the few kids I knew were just the guys I played chess with during recess―they weren’t really friends. Plus I was clumsy. So I was a good target. I was so miserable and lonely, I could hardly face going to class each day. That little girl made my life a living hell.
Revised:
When she saw me, she stopped, her ponytail bobbed threateningly and her eyes tracked me across the cafeteria. When the recess bell rang, I clutched my chess set and dashed to freedom, eager to win the daily tournament of outcasts. Of course, I tripped in front of the whole class. Tennis shoes and sandals stepped around me and over me as I scrambled after pawns and bishops. And there stood Lucinda, waiting for me to notice her. She smiled, lifted her shiny patent-leather shoe, and slowly, carefully ground my white queen into the pavement.
Recognizing the difference between telling and showing is the first step toward improvement. A key element of telling is the use of passive verbs and passive voice. Choosing a few important details to bring a scene to life, along with active verbs and an active voice will snare your reader. Show smoke, let the reader infer fire.
Example two:
Telling:
I’ll never forget how I felt after Fido died. I was miserable.
Telling with details:
If I live for a thousand years, I’ll never forget how utterly and terribly alone I felt after Fido died. I was so miserable that I thought I would die. Months and nonths went by, and it seemed that every little thing reminded me of him and made me wish things could be different. I don’t know whether I am ever going to get over his death.
Showing:
Whenever puppies in the pet store window distracted me from the serious business of taking him for his walk, Fido growled, his little ears flattened against his scruffy head. Yet he always forgave me. Even after his hearing and sight faded, when he felt the leash click on his collar and smelled fresh air, he still tried to caper. He’s been dead for three months now. This morning I filled his water bowl all the way to the top―just the way he likes it―before I remembered.
In the showing paragraph above, two words from the “LIST” are used but the word “been” is necessary to place the dog’s death in the past.
Mastering this facet of writing takes practice, practice, and more practice. Keep writing, then go back and search for passive verbs and passive voice. The easiest and quickest way to identify most of them is to search out your passive verbs. To help you locate them I am including a list of the forms of “to be” and other linking verbs that do not show motion.
THE LIST
was were have had
do did done place
put get got might
will would can could
felt feel believed realized
seemed appeared took take
be being are am
is think thought
’ve (when used as a contraction for have)
’d (when used as a contraction for had or would)
Look at each sentence you find harboring one of these words. Are you telling when you could be showing? Restructure the thought to bring it alive.
Example three:
Telling: It was a terrible thunderstorm.
(You have told your reader your opinion of the storm, imposed your judgment. Instead show them the storm.)
Showing: The walls shook and the windows rattled in their frames with each rolling crescendo of thunder. The claps reverberated up and over the house as the wind howled in frustration, unable to gain entry. The rain pounded down on the metal roof, drowning out the sound of her beating heart. The lightning flashed nonstop, illuminating all but the deepest shadows in the room.
Let the reader decide if it’s a terrible storm. How is it affecting your character? Is she cowering or is she ready to go out and defy the gods of nature and sip of their nectar? Why?
Now, one last note before I get to the exercises. Telling is not always bad. There are times when you wish to impart a fact or make a point without needing to involve the reader’s imagination. You do so and move on to the more captivating elements of your story. On occasion “telling” is a good thing.
i.e.: “These are the times that try men’s souls.” Thomas Paine
or
“I am your father.” Darth Vader.
Note in both sentences the use of the passive verbs, “are” and “am”. Look for these verbs in your writing to root out the obvious telling, especially where the story is thin and nothing interesting seems to be occurring.
When you have dialogue, use of these words is natural and not to be changed. There is a “general” rule stating you should try to use ‘was’no more than two times per page. This does not include dialogue usage.
When writing nonfiction, telling is acceptable, but if you can energize your writing and engage and captivate your reader by showing, why would you settle for less than your best?