Elizabeth had green eyes and brown hair worn long in loose, flowing ringlets. She had a cute little nose, full lips that she always shaped with lip liner (Revlon Lush Blush) and a sheer gloss (Revlon Barely Been Kissed). She preferred skirts to pants and dresses to skirts, and she was (YAWN) wearing a pale pink dress of Swiss dot fabric, cut tight in the bodice to show off her tiny waist, with a (YAWN…..) full three-quarter-length skirt with scalloped hemline and Egyptian cotton slip with handmade lace underneath……
…….(COMA ENSUES)
Here’s an important tip about description. While you’re writing it, ask yourself this…
WHO CARES?
Description exists in a story for two, and only TWO, reasons:
1) To give the reader enough sensory details to bring him into your world.
2) To point out those elements in your story that MATTER.
That’s it.
Killing your reader, inducing comas, inflicting pain, causing eyes to glaze over, and writing the Great Cure For Insomnia are not your goals.
So while you’re writing, EVERY time you start into a bit of description, ask yourself these two questions:
1) Does this bit of description offer the sensory details that will make my story come to life for my reader?
AND… (Not OR. AND. Every piece of description has to get a “yes” on both of these questions, or it has to go.)
2) Does what I’m describing hold a place of importance in my story?
If you answer both of those questions “yes,” keep writing.
If either one gets a “no,” you’re wasting your time writing it and making the story you’re telling worse, not better.
The question WHO CARES? needs to be in the back of your mind all the time. It needs to be right up front, jumping up and down, waving its arms and shouting at you every time you write description.
Your story will be better if you make sure you always have an answer.
So how do you go about showing your reader a scene, without overdoing it? Writing description of setting is where we really get into using all five senses and showing vs. telling.
Let’s take that first paragraph for example.
“Elizabeth had green eyes and brown hair worn long in loose, flowing ringlets. She had a cute little nose, full lips that she always shaped with lip liner (Revlon Lush Blush) and a sheer gloss (Revlon Barely Been Kissed). She preferred skirts to pants and dresses to skirts, and she was wearing a pale pink dress of Swiss dot fabric, cut tight in the bodice to show off her tiny waist, with a full three-quarter-length skirt with scalloped hemline and Egyptian cotton slip with handmade lace underneath……
Liz flashed her emerald eyes over her shoulder, smiling at the waiter as he stepped aside. Seduction, second nature to her, effortlessly drew men, usually a few trailed in her wake. Today, all male eyes and most of the women’s followed the shapely vixen as she headed for her table, her bare back peeking through her long, flowing chestnut tresses.
With the second writing we actually see Liz, we incorporate character into the description and place her in a setting. This took up less space and forwarded the story. However, we only used the visual sense. Let’s add sound and smell.
Liz flashed her emerald eyes over her shoulder, smiling at the waiter as he stepped aside. Seduction, second nature to her, effortlessly drew men and women. Her scent, musky and sensual, captivated rather than overwhelmed. As she passed conversations lulled, the sound of silverware on china dimmed, and every eye was riveted to her passage. The shapely vixen acknowledged everyone along the way to her table, basking them in her aura, making each feel special. After she passed they were left with a glimpse of her bare back peeking through her long, flowing chestnut tresses. Conversation slowly resumed after she was seated.
Rather than just telling us what she wore, we see her personality through the eyes of the watchers. She isn’t condescending, she is attractive without telling the reader “she is attractive.” She is a brunette with green eyes, smiles, and wears a seductive scent.
The problem with telling a description is that it STOPS the action. You’ve completely stopped the forward movement of the story to describe the room—to TELL what it looks like—just like when we describe our characters by having them look at themselves in a mirror. Instead, have the characters interact with the setting.
The description of a scene or a character shouldn’t all come at once . . . unless there is something vastly important about the look of the setting—such as a pauper entering a palace for the first time, but even then, be sure to tie emotion and the five senses to the EXPERIENCE of the setting.
If you include smell, taste, and touch sensations in your story along with sight and sound, you’re drawing your reader deeper into your world.
Description incorporates so many story elements. It doesn’t just cover describing the setting — it also involves descriptions of the characters’ clothes and appearance, the “props” your characters use, the weather, and so forth.
Writers generally fall into two categories.
I tend to write action and dialogue and forget to describe the surroundings. Readers can wind up with stories where people wander vague hallways or buildings, and they don’t get a sense of time or place. A story without enough description is missing something. People who read a story that’s lacking in description might ask “Where does this take place? Are there buildings around them?” “Are they alone?” My early drafts are almost all very basic. I have to go back and add the vital information. When I was writing it, I knew the where, when, and who.
The other side of the coin? Including too much description. Some writers fall in love with their setting and can’t help telling the readers all about it. And telling and telling. This impedes the flow of the narrative.
Descriptions can set the scene, move the plot, set the mood, foreshadow events, give us a sense of character.
Look at this:
Rachel grabbed her mug and gulped it down, shivering when a few drops the ale trickled off the glass falling under her leather top.” It doesn’t TELL the reader, the ale was cold or that she wore a leather top.” Instead, using action you get a description in tiny bits. Now the reader is aware that Rachel drinks cold ale, and wears a leather top probably with cleavage since without it the drops would not have slipped underneath.
Close your eyes and imagine Rachel and what she might experience when she drank that ale. Try it with your own stories. Think of your story as scenes unfolding in a movie or play. What do your characters interact with? Let’s say you’re writing a story set in a modern-day office building. Instead of stopping the story to describe the lush lobby with trees and waterfalls, come up with a reason for this description to be in the story. Yes, even “Because this office should have a fancy lobby” is a legitimate reason for the description to be in the story, as long as it doesn’t drag the story to a stop. Now, give us a reason for the characters to be interacting with that setting. Are your hero and heroine walking through the lobby while having an argument? Or are they sitting at the fountain when they realize they may be in love? What they are doing will influence what they interact with, and how they filter those details.
Want to describe the heroine’s living room or bedroom? Then describe it as a part of a scene full of tension, such as an argument, or during the love scene. Blend the description with action. The same goes for describing the characters. Something as simple as “He picked up the invitation with his slender fingers” is more exciting than “She noticed that he had slender fingers.” zzz
Don’t forget to trust in the intelligence of your audience. You don’t have to spell everything out for them. You can make them figure out what something or someone looks like by dropping hints.
Describe What Your Characters Would Notice
Unless you’re writing in omniscient viewpoint, chances are that you are filtering the setting (and background) through the eyes of your characters. This will be the case whether you are writing first person or third person limited stories.
Let’s go back to the office building with the fancy lobby. If your heroine has been in that office building dozens of times, she will only give it a passing glance. Unless something has changed or something unusual is going on. Then she will notice it. For example, she might not take much notice of the lovely fountain in the center of the lobby, but she would notice if the fountain wasn’t working or if the building manager had changed the color of the water because of a holiday, or if the hero was standing in the fountain and fishing for quarters.
Characters in a Medieval setting won’t think it’s odd that there are tapestries on the walls or rushes on the floor. They will notice the unusual — rushes that haven’t been changed for a while, or for that matter, rushes that have been changed often and smell sweet. Similarly, characters in fantasy and futuristic stories won’t look at the setting in the same way we would. A star pilot is unlikely to walk into a starport and think of its history, notice the number of starships, etc., unless there is a good reason. A fantasy warrior isn’t going to look at a group of wizards and remember the history of magic. Instead, he would look at them and try to size up their strengths as potential enemies or allies.
Avoid stopping the flow of your story to tell your readers all about how nice the hero’s home is or how important the rain forest is. I’ve seen stories that do so, and even if the setting is pretty, the result to the story isn’t pretty.
Just remember, descriptions are necessary but incorporate them into a story without overdoing it. Use a few simple words to describe a hotel room. Is it plush and luxurious? How do we see it? What brings that to life? Or maybe it is a rundown, by-the-hour room with a rattling window air-conditioner, stains on the bedcover, burns on the rug, and a musty odor permeating the room. How does YOUR character see it? A well-to-do character might show disdain or disgust for the nasty cheap room, a poor person might show awe and reverence for the luxurious room, fearful of sitting on the silk damask sofa or struck speechless by the view at the top.
Exercise: Pick a character from your story and place him in a different location, close your eyes and see what he/she sees, hears, smells, tastes, or touches. Does it help the reader see the story? Does it move it forward? Do we like or dislike the character because of their reactions? Jot the IMPORTANT senses down and incorporate them into your scene in small doses.
Write On.